🌭😉 Smash or pass: Fenway food edition

🫵 We want YOU on our duck boat team. Yes, for THIS duck boat pulling competition on the Common on April 11. We need seven peeps to sign up (but only if you can 100% commit). We’ll treat you to coffee and treats afterward. <3

📝 You in? Sign up here! We’ll shoot you an email to confirm you’re down.

👀 What’s on tap today:

Up first…

Batter up! It’s the Red Sox home opener, and we’re completely salivating over Roman Anthony all the new ballpark concessions. 

Good news: We tried a bunch. Here’s our honest take on what’s worth a bite:

🦞 “Lobstah Poutine,” 4/10 Coming in at a whopping $39, this is what out-of-towners think Bostonians indulge in: Fries piled high with lobster meat, bacon, and clam chowder (instead of gravy, duh), all delivered in a boat-shaped box. Our take: These ingredients shine best on their own. Together, they’re a little gluey. If you’re splurging on lobster, go for a roll at Saltie Girl or Row 34 (not a ballpark, respectfully).

🧀 Habanero grilled cheese, 7.5/10. She’s a classic with a twist: Gooey sharp cheddar and mango-habanero salsa, all sandwiched between thick-cut sourdough. Spicy, creamy, crunchy, salty — it hits all the salt-fat-acid-heat notes. We went back for seconds.

🍔 Jackfruit burger, 6.5/10. Attention, veggie heads! This jackfruit patty piled with pineapple-jalapeño relish and cilantro aioli on a King’s Hawaiian roll actually does the job. The condiments admittedly do a lot of the heavy lifting, but the patty itself was mild and pleasant. 

🌭 Pitmaster dog, 7/10. Now, for the meat lovers … A jumbo Kayem hot dog loaded with brisket, pulled pork, caramelized and crispy onions, and BBQ sauce. It’s rich. It’s sweet. It’s salty. It also feels like an actual meal compared to a lone Fenway Frank. The only thing missing: a heavy dose of Tums. 

🇮🇹 North End cannoli, 8.5/10. Everyone knows that what separates a good cannoli from a great cannoli is freshness, and this chocolate-dipped shell stuffed with ricotta filling had exactly that. The chocolate was sweet, yet bitter. The ricotta was velvety, yet light. Watch out, Bova’s!

Other new bites we’re keeping our eyes on …

🍗 CBR loaded fries. French fries packed with nacho cheese, Krispy Krunchy Chicken nuggets, bacon bits, ranch dressing, and scallions. What could be bad?

🍉 Angry Orchard watermelon slushie. This and a $15 bleacher seat in July.

🤤 Reuben dog. Corned beef, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut, and thousand island dressing. The lovechild that is one of Emily’s death row meals. 

🍽️ Prefer a proper meal over weenies and beer? Boston magazine rounded up a wildly comprehensive list of eating and drinking around Fenway — 45 spots, to be exact.

 🍟 P.S. Enjoy free fries at Hojolo when the Sox win at home. Yes, every home game.

⚾🍻 If you agree Opening Day should be a national holiday, raise your hand. Then, head to Time Out Market Boston. They’re celebrating with live music from Legends of Summer (12–2 p.m. + 4–7 p.m.), a speed pitch simulator, face painting, plus custom embroidery and patches from Goody Great — a.k.a. your outfit just got an upgrade. Pull up with your group, bring the fam, and enjoy a full menu of Opening Day specials. This is your sign to make Time Out Market your pregame, postgame, and everything in between. Check out all of the event info you need. 

💸 Boston is having some money troubles. By “money troubles,” we mean a projected budget deficit of $48.4 million, mostly due to unexpected costs from snow removal, police overtime, and employee health insurance (specifically, GLP-1s). The good news: Considering $48.4 million is just 1% of the city’s total budget and Boston has a $1.2 billion rainy day fund, the gap isn’t quite as dire as it sounds. The bad news: It’ll likely still = big cuts to next year’s budget. Mayor Wu already froze spending on food, travel, and office supplies.

🧊 Local ICE arrests are skyrocketing. As of March 10, the agency had arrested a whopping 7,028 immigrants in Massachusetts since President Trump took office, according to newly unearthed deportation data. That number includes folks from nearly 100 countries, 46% of whom had no pending criminal charges or convictions. For context: That’s nearly a fivefold increase over the 415 days of Biden’s administration with available deportation data. During that time, 1,470 immigrants were arrested, 74% of whom had criminal charges. Dig into the data here.

🍹 These local bars are the best in North America. Not one, but TWO Boston cocktail bars were ranked among the continent’s top 100 by British food media org the 50 Best (which is kind of a misleading name, BTW). Coming in at No. 86: The Wig Shop, a moody speakeasy in Downtown Crossing disguised as a literal wig shop. And at No. 88: Hecate, a witchy Back Bay cocktail bar that sells a drink called “Snake Oil.” Both bars opened in 2022. So far, they’ve only dropped No. 100 through 51. See them all here.

🍗 Need Final Four fuel? There’s a wing for that! Just in time to watch both UConn teams *hopefully* secure a spot in the March Madness championship game, Boston mag updated its list of Boston’s best buffalo wings. There are notable newbies like Everybody Gotta Eat, a new soul food pop-up at Eastern Standard Food Hall; Dorchester’s Wingz and Tingz, which has over 50(!) flavors; and maybe the best of all, Buff’s Pub in Newton, which apparently blows New York’s wings out of the water. Here’s the full list!

🎥 Catch some queer cinema. Boston’s Wicked Queer Film Festival is back in town from April 3 to 16, showing TONS of gorgeous queer movies and shorts across the city. Here’s the schedule. 

🤠 Pull on your dancin’ boots. Line dancing newbs and pros alike are invited to Premiere on Broadway tonight for beginner-friendly lessons from The Line Dancing queens — no tickets required!

📚 Read on the cheap. City-Wide Friends of The Boston Public Library is hosting another massive book sale at the library’s Central Branch on April 4. Most hardbacks will be $2, and basically everything else is a dollar!

🍺 Hunt for free beer. The Easter bunny is paying a visit to Lamplighter Brewing on April 4, and rumor has it, some eggs will be filled with free beer tokens. No promises you won’t have to fight a few kids to find them!

🎨 Celebrate the festival of color. Immerse yourself in traditional music, dance, and culture (also — a LOT of dry paint) at this April 4 Holi Celebration at Faneuil Hall. 

🐰 Find somebunny to love. We’re talking about Keeper’s (stuffed) bunny adoptions on April 4. They’ll embroider a name on these sweet stuffed bunnies, plus give you an official adoption certificate and free carrot cake bites!

🐀 Hang out with Remy. Are the Coolidge’s April 4 and 5 screenings of “Ratatouille” technically listed as kids programming? Yes. Will that stop hordes of 20-somethings from attending? NO!

🍳 Say “let’s do brunch!” If you haven’t snagged an Easter brunch res, there’s still (a little) time left! Peruse open reservations or check out these local specials.

The real winners of UConn’s March Madness run: Jordan’s Furniture customers. Let us explain. 

Back in January, the beloved New England chain announced a mind-boggling promotion: If UConn’s men’s and women’s teams both make it to their respective championship games, anyone who bought Jordan’s furniture or mattresses between Jan. 20 and March 1 would get it ALL for free. 

Well, three months, two tournaments, and one insane buzzer beater upset later, Jordan’s is just two W’s away from doling out $50 million of free furniture, according to the Globe. But Jordan’s president Eliot Tatelman isn’t worried in the slightest.

Apparently, the company bought an insurance policy to cover the risk, so Jordan’s isn’t on the hook for the $50 million. In fact, Tatelman is “hoping they have to pay out.” You tell ‘em, king!

— Written by Gia Orsino and Emily Schario

🛏️ Thanks for reading! Thoughts and prayers to the couple who shelled out $15,000 on furniture this February!

💜 Special shoutout to today’s sponsor, Time Out Market, for supporting local journalism and bringing big Opening Day energy to the city. 

🌭 The results are in: 68% of B-Siders said that a hot dog is NOT a sandwich. One reader said: “A hot dog is a taco.” Excuse me!?

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