🤬🚘 Masshole road rage: Activated

🤯 Attention, B-Siders with a crippling caffeine addiction: Dunkin’ is bringing back its viral 48-ounce Iced Beverage Buckets on May 22. Yes, it’s a literal bucket with a handle. No, we can’t promise it won’t give you heart palpitations.

🎉 Pssst! Everyone say HBD to Member Elisa Giuffrida! We hope your birthday is like one of those buckets: A little extra, bursting with sugar, and makes your heart race. 

👀 What’s on tap today:

Up first…

Somehow, we blinked and it’s Memorial Day Weekend. Just in time for AAA to drop this gnarly traffic report: A record-breaking 45 million Americans will travel at least 50 miles from home between Thursday and Monday — 39.1 million by car, to be exact.

So here are the best ways to get from point A to B (without dropping too many F bombs): 

📣 Repeat after us: I will not drive Thursday or Friday between lunch and dinner. That’s when we can expect the most traffic, according to AAA senior spokesperson Mark Schieldrop. In an ideal world, leaving Thursday morning before 12 p.m. or after 9 p.m. is preferred. “Early risers and night owls will have clearer sailing,” Schieldrop said. These are the best and worst travel windows down to the hour.

🌊 The biggest headache: Boston to the Cape on Friday at 3:15 p.m. The ride to Hyannis is expected to take 2 hours and 45 minutes, according to INRIX, a provider of transportation data and insights. That’s a 94% increase compared with typical travel times. 

😡 Monday’s schlep home is prime road rage territory. Aim to get on the road before 10 a.m. — driving between noon and 5 p.m. will be BRUTAL. And if you can swing it, Schieldrop said “Tuesday would be a great day to travel — as long as you wait for the morning commute to die down!”

🌧️ One wildcard: The weather. “We might see less local traffic if it's cool and rainy,” Schieldrop said (which it probably will be). That’ll take some pressure off routes that tend to clog up in nice weather. Think: Cape Cod, the North Shore, etc. But if the weather miraculously pulls a 180, “things will be busier as spontaneous day trippers will want to go out and enjoy themselves,” Schieldrop said. 

⛽ Rain or shine, brace for a fat gas bill. Drivers are paying waaay more at the pump compared to last Memorial Day when the national average was $3.17/gallon. As of this week, the average cost of gas is around $4.50/gallon in Massachusetts. Woof. 

🧘 Long story short: Leave early and take deep breaths (on the road, and at the pump).

🚧 The MBTA and the City of Boston have some serious street beef. TL;DR: The T wants to shut down a section of Summer Street near South Station to cars during local World Cup matches to make it safer for fans training to Gillette. But the city said not so fast, arguing it’s an “eminent domain” power move and that said street closures would only make traffic worse. So, the city proposed some alternatives … and the T basically said “nope.” They’re apparently still hashing it out — yet another sign of Boston’s dysfunctional World Cup prep.

🚂 Out: Cape traffic. In: Cape trains. Good news: The CapeFLYER train between Boston and Hyannis is back in biz Friday, May 22! The train scoops you at South Station, making several stops along the South Shore before dropping you off in Hyannis. And it’s a pretty sweet deal: A round-trip ticket is just $40. You can catch the train on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays between Memorial Day and Labor Day, along with expanded holiday service. Grab your ticket on the mTicket app or IRL at South Station. 

🍦 Boston’s ice cream scene is kind of … unhinged right now. Chocolate might be America’s fave flavor, but you’d never know it by looking at our local scoop shops, according to Globe food critic Devra First. See: Snacks Box’ soft serve dipped in melted butter and Third Time Together’s Basil Cheong (sour green plum and basil ice cream with apricot pate de fruit candies). This summer’s flavors are anything but vanilla. Why so funky? Social media (shocker!). After all, a little ~drama~ is what makes things go viral.

🌇 The top of the Pru is about to be Boston’s hottest nightclub. Enter: Sun Sets, Big Night Entertainment Group’s new nightlife concept on the 51st floor of View Boston. Its gorgina open-air roof deck will transform into a sky-high music venue every Saturday night (and select Thursdays) from June 6 through Sept. 7 at 8 p.m. Expect fab city views and sick DJs like Costa, Different Font, and Charley Blacker. Tickets start at ~$49 for general admission. Grab them here before they’re gone!

Pizza chips are having a moment. Or at least they are in the Bravoverse.

ICYMI: “The Real Housewives of Rhode Island” star Alicia Carmody shared a box of pizza chips with her castmates this season, making everyone, including many Massholes, ask: WTF is a pizza chip?!

Apparently, they’re a Rhode Island delicacy: a sauce-smothered, cheeseless, room-temp round of dough — they also go by “party pizza” or “bakery pizza.” This is what classic pizza chips look like (tbh, it’s giving Lunchable).

Rhode Islanders enjoy them on the beach, at graduations, birthdays, really, any opportunity to let their Ocean State freak flag fly. (Emily’s tried them many times at Rhode Island family gatherings and still doesn’t understand the hype.)

But Chef TJ Delle Donne from Johnson & Wales University said it best: “Rhode Island has a very unique and specific way of holding on to its culture.” Pizza chips and all.

— Written by Emily Schario

🐷 Thanks for reading! As Carmody would say, “Welcome to Rhode Island, b*tch.” 

🥵 The results are in: The 35% of B-Siders that guessed we’d hit 90-91 degrees on Wednesday were spot on, as Mother Nature graced us with a steamy high of 90. But only one reader was 100% correct in our book: “Answer: Too hot.”

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