😅 Your annual reminder that you’re SLOW

🍦 Marathon Monday and free ice cream in the same week? We’re spoiled. Today is Free Cone Day at Ben & Jerry’s, so make sure to grab a free scoop at your local scoop shop between noon to 8 p.m. Find out where the closest store is here. 

👀 What’s on tap today:

Up first…

Another Marathon Monday is in the books. It sure was a spicy one, but the runners SMASHED it. Here are the sparknotes of what went down: 

🏃🏿‍♂️ Sisay Lemma of Ethiopia took home the men’s No. 1 spot. He came out guns blazing, keeping a blistering pace and a massive lead over two-time defending champ, Evans Chebet, for miles, finishing in 2:06:17.

🏃🏿‍♀️ Kenya’s Hellen Obiri became a back-to-back Boston winner in the women’s field. She and fellow Kenyan Sharon Lokedi dueled it out in the last few miles, but Obiri managed to pull away, nabbing her second straight win in a time of 2:22:37. 

👨🏻‍🦽 Marcel Hug set a MASSIVE course record in the men’s wheelchair division. The Swiss racer literally broke the record he already set by over 90 seconds despite a near-disastrous crash into the barricades in Newton. He crossed the finish line in 1:15:33, nabbing his seventh Boston victory. 

👩🏻‍🦽 Eden Rainbow-Cooper shocked the women’s wheelchair division. Despite having only the 10th-fastest personal best in the field, she eked out a W over the prolific Manuela Schar with a time of 1:35:11, becoming the first British woman to win the division. Oh, and she’s only 22! 

🏒 Six-foot-nine Zdeno Chara finished his second Boston in 3:30:52. Instead of golfing, the former Bruins player has run a handful of marathons, a half Ironman, and more since hanging up his skates in 2022. He even plans on running the London Marathon next week!

❤️ Boston Marathon icon Meb Keflezighi finished in 3:08:58. He crossed this year’s finish line ten years after his 2014 Boston victory, where he became the first American to win the race in decades a year after the 2013 bombings.

🏅 This year’s Fastest Bostonian award winners are … Dr. Miles Batty from West Roxbury bagged the W in the men’s division with a 2:25 finish; JP resident Arianna Maida got it done for the ladies in 2:48:50; and BC Law student Nonie Anderson was the city’s fastest non-binary resident with a time of 3:44:18.

😂 Gronk’s gonna Gronk. Former Pats tight end was living his best life as Boston’s Grand Marshal, referring to himself as “Grand Marshal Robby G” on IG and posing at the starting line as if he were about to start running. Perhaps the most iconic Gronk move of the day came when he threw out — excuse us — Gronk-spiked the first pitch at the Sox game.

🪧 Boston’s sign game was ELITE. “You’re running better than the MBTA,” “The rats don’t run this city, you do,” and “Run faster, you paid $230 to do this,” were just a few of spectators’  hilarious signs on the course. You can see some of the best ones here.

🐚 🌊 Looking for an East Coast getaway that’s less “Jersey Shore” and more “The Summer I Turned Pretty” vibes? Head to The Dunes on the Waterfront, a serene cottage hotel experience in Ogunquit, Maine, that feels straight out of a Pinterest board. With 23 bright and airy summer cottages — including amenities like a cozy fire pit for evening gatherings, a heated pool, and access to beach cruisers, rowboats, kayaks, and paddle boards — this seaside oasis is perfect for families, couples, friend groups, and solo travelers alike. Book your stay now and enjoy 25% off from May 24 to June 21. 

🏛️ Mass. might just have a true crime case on its hands. Karen Read’s long-awaited murder trial starts today. So ICYMI: Read is being charged with the murder of her boyfriend, Boston cop John O’Keefe. Her defense alleges she's being framed as part of a massive coverup spanning multiple law enforcement agencies, a cause that’s blown up thanks to the now infamous blogger, Turtleboy, who’s been the face for her support campaign. The whole thing is riddled with conspiracies, and has even led to a federal investigation, all of which has produced a firestorm of media coverage. 

🌧️ The marathon wasn’t the only event on Mother Nature’s hit list. Concord’s annual Patriots Day reenactment of the Revolutionary War musket fire at the North Bridge was canceled due to lingering flooding on a nearby causeway from the last few days of heavy rainstorms (you didn’t forget that Monday was also Patriots Day, did you?). Apparently, the extra foot traffic would have caused too many maintenance and safety concerns for the event to have all gone off safely. tThat also went for the town’s annual Patriots Day Parade, which was diverted. 

🐶 This marathon meetup was very, very, very good. Hundreds of golden retrievers (and humans!) gathered on Boston Common this Sunday for a meetup and walk in honor of Spencer, the Boston Marathon’s official dog who passed away in 2023, and was recently honored with a statue. Beyond being completely adorable, the event, which was put on by MA Golden Meetups, also served to raise money and awareness for canine cancer, which Goldens are particularly susceptible to. For our part, we asked some of the golden owners what the naughtiest things their pups have done, and some of their answers were pretty wild. 

🏀 The Celtics are coming into playoffs HOT. Thanks to ending the regular season with the best record in the league (64-18), the Celts have snagged themselves the No. 1 seed in the Eastern Conference playoffs, with their first game tipping off April 21. And, not to jinx it, but the last time the C’s finished with the best record in the league, they won it all. As of right now, it’s unclear who we’ll be playing, but the Heat (who were our downfall last year) and the Bulls are looking probable for round one. Our fingers are crossed.

We’re giving away one 50-minute personalized facial at Heyday, a professional skincare studio helping self-care enthusiasts across the nation find their glow. To be eligible, refer a friend and have them accept your invite by the end of the day on 4/17. If you have already referred a friend to B-Side (and they’ve accepted), you're eligible! Full details below**

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If you struggle to really visualize what 26.2 miles looks like, Market Basket is here to help. 

On Monday morning, the grocery store tweeted some encouraging(?) words to this year’s marathon runners: Apparently, 26.2 miles, the length of the Boston Marathon, is equivalent to “only” 138,336 of Market Basket’s iconic salmon and white floor tiles. Who knew!

But if for some reason that information makes you want to book it to your local Market Basket to start jogging down the aisles, maybe pump the brakes. Even the state’s largest location — the flagship store in Chelsea — doesn’t have enough tiles for shoppers to cover a marathon distance inside (shoutout to Boston.com for figuring out that math).

— Written by Gia Orsino and Emily Schario

🛒 Thanks for reading! But if a Market Basket marathon is your dream now, don’t let us — or that information — stand in your way. 

💜 Special shoutout to today’s sponsor, The Dunes on the Waterfront, for supporting local journalism and offering New Englanders a slice of coastal paradise. 

🍩 The results are in: It looks like 56% of B-Siders would rather run a marathon than eat their way through a donut marathon, and TBH, we can’t blame you. One reader said: “If I'm gonna barf, at least it'll be for a good cause.”

💃 Keep up with us @BostonBSide on IG, TikTok, and Twitter. Send comments and suggestions to [email protected] or [email protected].